My Dog Is a Jerk

by brendan on 09/19/2010

My dog barks at diesel engines. It’s a tendency he picked up by associating that noise with our doorbell, thanks to somewhat frequent visits by our UPS man. He also does this throaty growl thing when he hears voices outside, sees a runner pass by on our sidewalk, or a dog/horse/Nissan commercial is on TV.

Of course, these unpleasant habits are as much our fault as delinquent owners as they are the dog’s. We’re less than consistent with some discipline, so this is what happens. And instead of becoming more consistent, I’ve decided that sarcasm is a better way to go. I credit old fraternity brother Gabe (and his sarcastic treament of house dog Ellie) and Will Ferrel’s Dissing your Dog commercial as my inspiration.

When the dog starts into his grumble-barking again, I will now thank him for his efforts and congratulate him for the new achievements. I’ll also begin referring to him by his new nickname Growlf Macchio. Barcamus Maximus is the backup name, and I’m taking suggestions for others.

I’m sure this new dog training method will be most effective. The results can’t be worse than what I have now, no?

There are 4 comments in this article:

  1. 09/20/2010L says:

    HA. I remember this skit – hysterical.

    I don’t have any clever dog names for you. The names I normally call dogs are usually expletives, less sarcastic, more mean.

  2. 09/29/2010Suzi says:

    Mr. and I have a new family member – Maggie.
    She is a Miniature Schnauzer who was rescued from a Mill.

    We are in the throes of training. . and feel for you.
    I’m hoping to avoid training fail. =)

  3. 09/30/2010brendan says:

    Congrats on the new family member, and best of luck on the training! I think we suffered at least a partial training fail… Growlf Macchio here obeys commands *most* of the time, but with a diesel engine or another dog nearby that’s all out of the window.

  4. 11/28/2010Audra says:

    HAHA. Brad and I love this. We laughed all over again. We often say some of these one-liners to Mackey. It doesn’t really work but it makes us feel better.

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